I told my grandma that she was not allowed to buy ANY holiday cards this year, because I am trying to sell mine to people, if she knew what was good for her, she should only use mine, right? Because she loves me and such. ALSO I mentioned that mine were free, and grandpa is always happy to cut corners… Anyway, she was like, “Carissa, can you make me a card with my cat on it with a bow? Like the bows Grandma Quigley used to draw?”
To which I said, “Yes.”
For a bit of time, I was going to make art that was only grandma approved. I had made an organization that was called the PFMGH or something like, “People for making grandma’s happy…” I cannot remember the exact name, my memory says it was better than the above name, but I have no evidence to back that up. My duty also would include censoring all images that my grandma would not like, by covering her eyes, and explaining the work without a visual aid. (I am the only person who takes my grandma to art museums anyway…) I would choose language to describe work like for example Piss Christ like, ” Now here, coming up, is a lovely picture of our lord, Christ with sitting in a yellow pool. It says her on the description that it is a little known fact that Christ always wanted to be peed on. The bible tells us so…Blah blah blah. So this artist is really saying how much he loves you and Christ.”
Even if she said, “Carissa, I never read anything like that in the Bible…”
I would be like, “But grandma, we have to believe the didactics. They never lie.”
"Oh. Well, you sure do learn something everyday."
Grandma, I sure do love you. And I really hope that this cat does not make you regret letting me control your card buying this year.